You probably saw this coming.  Not long ago, a young man accosted me coming out of the Allaus Coffee Shop.  “Hey Hink,” he said.  “What qualifies you to write a weekly column on manliness?  Who appointed you guru?”  Fair question.  I could have done like some recent notables in politics and journalism and simply manufactured a resume entry.  I could have said, “Why my good man, I’m glad you asked.  I graduated cum laude from the Oklahoma University College of Manly Arts (OUCMA).”  Of course there is no such college here or anywhere else that I know of.  I leave it to you to decide whether such an institution, if it did exist, could survive an inspection by the Bureau of Political Correctness.  Heck, I’d be surprised if you could piggy-back a department of manly studies into any federally funded curriculum.

But back to the question.  What qualifies me to write this column?  It’s really quite simple.  You get to be an expert on manliness the same way you become a master tracker.  You start by spending years learning the tricks of the trade from people who have received the know-how passed down from generation to generation.  Then you take what you’ve learned and spend years in the4 field making extensive notes and putting your instruction into practical application.  Your skills evolve as you make your own mistakes--thousands of them--and experience your own breakthroughs.  It’s more of an art than a science.  Anyone can track a puppy through the snow.  But I once saw a guy locate a leopard in the wild by discerning the odd calls of birds and monkeys from the rest of the noisy African background. 

Now I’m not saying that I, myself, have achieved the status of master tracker.  But I know more about it than a dedicated nature lover who never gets out of the truck.  Let me show you what I mean.

Let’s follow a trail together.  January 26, 1885 Charles George “Chinese” Gordon is the military commander of the garrison of Khartoum in the Sudan.  An Islamic fundamentalist army under the command of a megalomaniacal fanatic who calls himself “The Mahdi” is closing in, thirsty for blood.  Defense is hopeless.  Reinforcements will not arrive in time.  Gordon is urged to abandon his post and save his life.  He refuses.  He gave his word to stand with the defenders and he will keep that promise even if doing so will mean certain death.  When Khartoum falls, Gordon is killed and his body mutilated.  The student of manliness finds here the practical application of one of the core tenets--a man’s word is his bond.

Turn the clock forward 113 years to January 26, 1998.  President Bill Clinton has been accused of numerous sexual improprieties, including infidelity with a White House intern.  On nation-wide television, he looks directly into the camera and thus into the eyes of the American people and says, “I never had sex with that woman.”  I was among the gullible at the time who believed him.  (To my embarrassment I’ve believed a lot more hog wash since then.)  We now know he told us a shameless untruth.  The student of manliness will find here a total departure from another core tenet.  When you make a mistake and you’ve got a lickin’ comin’ stand up and take it like a man.

What does a skilful tracker learn from following this trail?  Gordon left a giant footprint, clean on the edges, hard to obscure and harder to fill.  The dedicated student of manliness offers a salute to Gordon every January 26.  Now what about that other footprint left on January 26?  Well, in the first place, it’s largely obscured in a stampede of small ones that look just like it; Haggard, Swaggart, Edwards, Kennedy, Jackson, Spitzer, Craig, Foley and so on.  Some of the critters who left these tracks are covered with splendid feathers and sing loud and beautiful.  Some of them dwell in marvelous nests and burrows.  Some of them have cultivated a strut that can only be called--majestic.  I’m not really sure what to call these critters.  But I’ll tell you one thing.  Even an amateur tracker can tell you.  They ain’t lions.

Oh by the way.  Robert Frost left us another tenet of manliness.  He said “The best way out is through.”  January 29 is the 46^th anniversary of his death.  Here’s a salute to you too Bob. 

I’m Hink and I’ll see ya.

Download this column